BREAKING: “Help Us…” Sean McDermott Issues SOS to Officiating Overlords After Bills Loss, While Andy Reid’s Post-Game Swagger Fuels the Flames (and the Eye-Rolls)
Oh, the drama! The tears! The sheer, unadulterated outrage! Buffalo Bills head coach Sean McDermott has apparently filed a formal request for a Congressional hearing, a UN intervention, and possibly a papal decree regarding the officiating during their recent (and predictable) loss to the Kansas City Chiefs. His primary complaint? Apparently, the refs were too busy admiring Patrick Mahomes’ dazzling smile to notice, you know, actual fouls being committed.
“Help us,” McDermott reportedly whispered to reporters, clutching a crumpled-up rule book like a life raft. “They… they were ignored! All of them! Every single one!” Sources say McDermott has compiled a dossier of “evidence” including blurry screenshots of questionable hand placements and several instances where a Chiefs player dared to breathe in the general vicinity of a Bills defender.
Meanwhile, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid, never one to shy away from a little post-game gloating (or a delicious cheeseburger), responded with the kind of arrogant swagger that only a Super Bowl ring can provide. “Look,” Reid chuckled, presumably while polishing his championship trophy, “sometimes the calls go your way. Sometimes they don’t. But at the end of the day, we won. So… shrugs in Super Bowl champion.”
This, naturally, has poured gasoline on the already raging dumpster fire of Bills fan frustration. They’re currently flooding social media with conspiracy theories, demanding a recount of all penalty flags ever thrown in the history of the NFL, and generally behaving like… well, like Bills fans after a playoff loss. #RiggedGame is trending, alongside #MahomesIsAMagicMan and #McDermottNeedsAHug.
Experts (aka, anyone who’s watched a football game before) suggest that maybe, just maybe, the Chiefs were simply the better team. But hey, why let logic get in the way of a good old-fashioned officiating conspiracy?
The NFL has yet to respond to McDermott’s… passionate plea. However, sources tell us they’re currently scrambling to find a rule that explicitly states “Patrick Mahomes must be tackled gently and with the utmost respect.”
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing saga. And please, someone get Sean McDermott a stress ball. And maybe a therapist.
